Monday, March 29, 2010

Pictures of Then – And the Wicked Sea

Pictures of Then – And the Wicked Sea
So, Rage Against the Machine are Christmas number one? Well, good for us. Now we can all go back to sleep for another year. Hey, who knows, next year we could get Cradle of Filth to the Christmas top spot. You know, for a laugh and that.

Not good enough, I’m afraid. Here’s an alternative. For every shite album and single released, we buy another copy of Killing in the Name (stick with me here). Take Pictures of Then, for instance. Are they as bad as that X-factor boy? No. Is that relevant? No. The point is they’re no good. They’re bland, inoffensive, and will never change anyone’s life. So buy a copy of Killing in the Name. In fact, if we can find another thirty-nine versions of the tune, we could have a top forty consisting entirely of ‘fuck you I won’t do what you tell me’. And, if we buy the albums these covers appear on, the top forty albums will be a mix of salsa-tinged and ska-infused fuck you I won’t do what you tell mes.

And why, you ask? Well, if we keep buying the same song in protest over the bland drivel the labels sign up and knock out (not just X-factor, but Coldplay, Keane, and all those insufferable clowns), then surely, the labels will have to change their tact and offer up some passion and inspiration. Imagine it, like the parting of the red sea as Monster Island’s debut album dances up the charts – the lone long player without the aforementioned Killing in the Name in the entire list. Not just Monster Island. Not just albums either. Picture it (Not you, Pictures of Then): in at ten, it’s Biffy Clyro with Killing in the Name, and nine it’s FM Belfast with Killing in the Name, at eight it’s The Middle East with Blood, and at seven it’s The Apples with Killing in the Name. Genius, I’m sure you’ll agree. (And, yes, these are real covers. Research = done.)

So, Pictures of Then, you’ll have noticed, don’t get much of a look in on their own review. My work here is done.

Sean Gregson

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